Why do we feel lonely in a relationship?

Loneliness can be a warning sign that something is wrong with your relationship, or that you are longing for your partner to help you fill a void in your soul.

Your love is no longer beautiful as it used to be

In 2018, a survey by the Pew Research Center in the US showed that 28% of those who are dissatisfied with their family, marriage life often feel lonely. At the same time, the number of Americans unhappy with their families is also increasing. A social survey result of NORC, University of Chicago in 2016 recorded the highest number of unhappy couples in history, since 1974.

According to Gary Brown, a marriage and family counselor in Los Angeles, loneliness often occur when a couple loses their emotional connection. Even in almost perfect relationships, there will certainly be some times when one or both of you become distant, creating an invisible wall that stands between your love.


You are not ready to share your weak part

In romantic relationships, you will be lonely if you are not willing to take off your defensive "armor", revealing to the other the weaker, more vulnerable side of yourself.

According to clinical psychologist Jenny Taitz, author of the book "How To Be Single And Happy", one factor contributing to the feeling of loneliness is your refusal to say out loud your feelings, to share things outside of your comfort zone. The two of you may be very close, but they do not know any of your private or personal information.

You compare yourself with other couples on social networks

Social networks can also cause loneliness in love, because many people have the habit of comparing their life and love to others'. For example, on Valentine 's day, you and your lover have an intimate, happy dinner together. However, when you go home and check out your Facebook, you find other girls happily showing off their sweet, luxurious gifts that you don't have, or a more romantic date you’re your dinner. Immediately, you will feel lonely.


According to Jenny Taitz, when we comparing our relationships to others', we inadvertently create an uncomfortable distance between ourselves and our beloved. It is from this distance that a sense of loneliness will begin to arise.

Besides, many studies have also shown that the more time you spend on social media, the lonelier you feel. According to a research report published in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine in 2017, people who use social media for more than 2 hours a day are twice as likely to feel lonely than those who only use half an hour a day.

Sometimes, loneliness comes before a relationship

In some cases, loneliness may be due to... inherited. A research published in Nature in 2016 suggested that loneliness could be a genetic trait. That is, due to the influence of genes, some people are destined to feel lonely more frequent than others throughout their lives.


Regardless of the reason, the use of love and relationships as a tool to cure loneliness that has existed before will never really work. People expect someone else to help them to take away those unpleasant emotions, to fill the void, so that they are no longer alone in this world. If it is the mindset to enter love, you are just taking on a disappointing ending.

Is loneliness a matter of love or of yourself?

It's not easy to identify the root of feeling lonely, but the first step in most problems is to talk to your lover about your feelings and thoughts.

When you talk, if you find that your loved one often tries to do many things to make you happy but you still feel lonely, perhaps, the problem comes from inside you, not from love. Have you experienced the same feelings in previous relationships? If the answer is yes, it's time to sit down with yourself, searching within yourself for the true reason that has created such a mental gap.


In the other case, if your partner shares the same emptiness, loneliness in this relationship, an unexplained instability in love is making both of you lonely.

The solution to the strange loneliness that occurs when you are in a relationship is similar to the solution to find its cause: talk to your partner. Try to say what you think, what you feel and listen to what they have to say without judging or accusing each other.

Do not run away from loneliness, or try to eliminate that feeling. Be open when communicating with yourself and with the person you love. Maybe, you will gradually realize the unstable aspects to begin to gradually find peace and true love in life.



By: Olivia Smith

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